Saturday, March 24, 2012

Punctuality is Important

Never, ever, ever be late to a Ross Noble performance. Trust me. Especially if you are a shy person who avoids confrontation whenever possible. You should also make sure you arrive early when you have seats in the front row. No matter how ninja-like you think you are, he will see you. HE WILL SEE YOU. And it is so much fun!

I hate being late for shows. Not because of the embarrassment of turning up late, but because I miss part of the show I like enough to buy tickets to. But this time I was afraid of being late purely based on Ross's reputation for picking on people. So you can imagine my feelings sitting in the car at 7:55pm watching the cars in front of me snail into the same parking lot I'm using, with my friend in the seat next to me saying things like "We'll be fine" "Everyone else is late too" "We can make it to the theatre in 5 minutes". Wrong, wrong and wrong. We were lucky enough to make it in before the lock out period along with some other people who were also late because of the annoyingly placed road works. It's about this time while I held my hand against the two painful stitches in my side received from the short distance sprinting that I realised how unfit I am.

I idolise anyone who makes a career out of their own insanity

Despite the pain, my friend and I were relieved to see there were people in front of us who also needed to be seated. That relief soon vanished when we saw them disappear into a row way behind us. Seeing that Ross was distracted by someone else arriving late we dashed in as quick as possible to get to our seats. The movement caught his eye (nothing escapes this man) and then it was our turn for a good ribbing. "And where have you been?" "Are you sure you have the right seats?" I actually wasn't sure so I checked the tickets and moved over one seat, closer to the centre of the stage. Apparently this was hilarious and I was branded throughout the show as the "Latecomer business student who likes to change places at the last second". It's an extra level of fun when at any moment you suspect he's going to return to you again. It adds some danger to the mix. I was actually afraid to look away in case he caught me doing something he didn't like. God forbid I give him ANOTHER reason to make fun of me.

Oh man, it might sound like I'm complaining, but I am not. The show was amazing. The craziest people go out to comedy shows on a Friday night, let me tell you. A number of people like to leave gifts for Ross on the stage just to give him something else to rant about (like he needs any help). These included a can of soup, a crudely draw picture of Bob Katter on the back of a shopping list, a clothes peg with "Simon" written on it and a set of Finger Lights, which do exactly what the name suggests. In order to try out these amazing lights, Ross asked the lighting guys to turn the lights off. During his one man light show he almost fell over one of his stage props. When the lights turned on again we all found that the stage decorations (which were all inflatable objects of some kind) had been deflated. We watched in wonderment as the stage was re-inflated while Ross expressed his amazement that our theatre wasn't advanced enough to separate the power supply to the lights AND generator for his props.

If you have never been to a Ross Noble show, do not go expecting him to keep to a linear routine. There is no proper beginning, nor is there a set ending. He has two or three stories he can use to keep him on a roll, but if you actually expect him to get through a story without telling four other anecdotes, this is not the man for you. He is one of the few people I would pay to see have a rant for a full two hours. Not only does he make fun of his audience members, he touched on such things as Angelina Jolie's leg and her magical baby making powers, the local election happening in Brisbane (which for a Brisbanite was pretty damn hilarious in it's accuracy alone), dealing with a three year old child who has inherited his madness, and many more equally ridiculous subjects.

The point I'm trying to make here is A) Ross Noble is amazing, talented and oh so funny and B) DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO GET THERE ON TIME!

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