Saturday, March 31, 2012

Puppetry of the Penis

It's exactly what it sounds like. There are no puppets, there are no strings, there are many penises. Penii? Penirama? I'm just going to go with penises. I've never had to pluralise that before. New experiences all around!

I should warn anyone who is over sensitive or has no sense of humour, you probably won't like this post, or the show, or a large portion of your life because laughing at genital origami is one of the wonders of the world. If you are awesome, then keep reading, you might learn something.

So last night I went to the Puppetry of the Penis IN 3D at the Twelfth Night Theatre and had one of the most unique and shockingly funny experiences of my life. I have to thank my friend for suggesting we go because there aren't many people who would agree to watch two grown men dance around naked on the stage playing with their scrotumses. Strotusies? Scroti? Jeez, you would think pluralising sex organs would be easier.

This is why 3D was invented.

So I'd say about 95% of the audience were woman. The remain 15% of males were solely there because their partners had dragged them along, or in the case of  Leighton, one of the young men sitting in the front row, were purely there for a learning experience. You're probably expecting me to say the show had a routine or a gimmick, or some sort of twist to it which made it so interesting. Nope. It was an hour and a half of men skilfully crafting their genitalia into interesting and bizarre shapes. Any men who are reading this thinking "Pfft, I do that all the time and nobody pays to see me do it" you are quite right. Why not join them? They are recruiting. And I am being serious. But how is your little head going to cope with standing stark naked on a stage except for your shoes and a decorative cape with hundreds of women laughing at your little friend? Huh? Oh you don't have anything to say any more? I thought not, so settle down.

Sammy and Nacho, our two knights of penile puppetry were quite a delight. Full of energy and penis puns like "Are you ready for some Cock'n'roll?!" were charming, compassionate and more than comfortable with swinging their manhood around confidently. Twice during the show did the audience get more than what they paid for, specifically when Sammy (keep in mind both of these blokes are stark naked)  fell into the front row, crawled through two rows of people, shook a few hands, and then apologised to the woman who forgot to cover here drink. ZING! Nacho also ran all the way up the back to the row just in front of mine (much to my disappointment) to sit on one poor man's lap, all the while brushing bits against anyone careless enough not to get out of the way, and those who tried desperately in vain.

I learnt many new things about the penis that night. A) it is versatile organ. B) It can streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetch farther than I would have thought. C) It is quite fun to play with. D) Puppetry is something for all the family! This show was absolutely hysterical. Once everyone got over the "Ahh there's a naked penis! Aah there's another one!" we got on swimmingly. My face physically hurt after the show, I was laughing that hard. My hand was covering my mouth half the time and all the while you can't look away no matter how hard you try. It's just mesmerising. Kind of a combination between: "I've never seen it do that before" and "Oh my lord how is he doing that wait- Ohmygodthatwasamazingholycraphowdidthatnothurt?". I especially loved the little demonstration videos in actual 3D. The mollusc looked particularly convincing when shrouded in water and coral with fish swimming near by.

I won't go on about it, mainly because the show is really difficult to explain without demonstrating myself which I can't do for multiple reasons, the point being it was fun. It's a great way to desensitise your friends/girlfriend and get rid of your shame. A naked man is kind of the end zone. You can't go any farther than that. Once the man is naked, it's either win or lose. For the love of god let it be a win, otherwise things can get awkward fast. If the show ever ends up in your part of town, go see it, I can guarantee you will get a laugh out of it. Sammy and Nacho were amazing guys, friendly and fun enough to sign the book I bought after the show. Yes I bought the book. Best $25 I ever spent.

You know it's good if Jimeoin likes it.

Just don't show it to your dad or you'll have to go to a therapist after he says "Oh I've tried that one!".

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