Sunday, April 22, 2012

Define "Attractive"

Oh. Please. Stop. Just stop.

There is a conversation I have with people that just constantly pops up all over the place. It usually comes up when I'm with female friends watching action movies, but also tends to arise when drinking socially with guys.

What is attractive?

Seriously I have arguments way too long for this topic. Everyone is attracted to different things, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it's all circumstancial etc. etc.

However.

There are some things people do to themselves that are just not attractive. Ever. Never will be. And if they do become the norm of what defines Sexy then everyone will soon be getting invitations to my wedding. To myself. I do not care if the new sexy is to be orange, bleached blonde and half made of plastic, Oompa Loompas belong in a chocolate factory. And if you have to inject yourself with so many steroids to the point that you can't rest your head on your own shoulder, boo hoo, go cry out your horse semen extracted goo somewhere else.

As for Robert Pattinson: Meh. That's right, meh. I do not find him attractive. Neither do I find Taylor "Llama Face" Lautner attractive. Oh I'm being mean? I'm sure their 3 Billion teenage girl fan base can stand to have me be a hater. I don't think the guys are ugly, I just don't find them attractive.

It's instinctual for females to be attracted to strength. It registers into thousands of years of genetics in which the strongest males produce the strongest offspring, ensuring it's survival. Read about natural selection some time, you'll find it interesting.

So when I see things like this:

Nope. Still no.

I just think "Oh god somebody make those kids a sandwich, they look starved!" Do people not eat any more? I am genuinely curious? If everyone in showbiz doesn't eat, shouldn't they be sending it to people who do instead of chucking it back up?

Of the female variety, take Audrina Patridge (made famous for her non-existant facial expressions on The Hills).

SOMEBODY GET HER SOMETHING TO EAT!

She may look healthy to most, but I know for a fact that most of her photo shoots involve a lot of photosho-ping out her very obvious hip bones and ribs and adding on some seriously needed meat.

Also she looks sticky. Is there something appealing about looking sticky? Some times I think if I touch her or Megan Fox I might get permanently attached.

Obviously this post is completely biased, but you have to see the truth in there somewhere right? Being attractive these days means shit all. If you like orange skin then hell go for it, that's what your into. Just make sure YOU are the one who thinks it's attractive and not just following the latest sticky trend.

Which leads me into this!

MY TOP 10 MOST PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE MALES AND FEMALES!
(That's 5 of the most attractive men and women I wouldn't think twice about licking and does not necessarily involve personality or level of intelligence).

5. Henry Rollins and Sofia Vergara

Despite his angry expression, Henry is the epitome of manliness.               Sofia has curves. Proper curves. REAL CURVES!

4. Zec Efron and Zooey Deschenel

Only because he's finally finished with puberty.                         She is adorable. Nothing but adorableness.

3. Joseph Walker and Cobie Smulders

He looks good dressed in anything.                                                                 She looks good all the time.

2. Timothy Olyphant and Michelle Rodriguez


Can you imagine an action movie with these two in it? I can. Vividly.

1. Chris Evans and Kat Dennings

He has been my pc background for at least 5 years now.                                          I would turn gay for her.                      


There are plenty of other people I find attractive, and a lot of them are for different reasons. Usually I can find myself becoming attracted to someone simply because they told a very witty joke. Wit implies intelligence and a sense of humour which personally I find really appealing because it means they might also enjoy having a food fight that involves nerf guns. And farm animals. Possibly a jumping castle.


Who do  YOU find attractive?

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