Monday, April 2, 2012

Easter for Adults

So it's Easter soon, and the only reason I know this is because the school kids are on holidays. I have no younger siblings or offspring who are excited for the Easter Bunny, I am not religious so the death and rise of Jesus will have to be celebrated by those more faithful, and my family are too healthy to really want any chocolate.

So what does this mean for me?

It means the day after Easter I am going to the stores to shamelessly buy a BUTT LOAD of cheap Easter chocolate and gorge myself.

I know it's not healthy, I know it's excessive and stupid, but I'm pretty sure we all know I'm a child and we all know how delicious chocolate is (although if you are a diabetic or have allergies I apologise for making you feel left out of this, I'm sure you have some yummy alternatives) so my very small conscience is clear.

Firstly, these guys:

They are so cute I could just rip off their skin and eat their delicious insides.

Lindt bunnies are orgasmic. And damn expensive. Usually one o' these little guys are around $5-$10 but oh so worth it. The chocolate is so rich and smooth I'm pretty sure it's what unicorn blood would taste like. No wonder Voldemort had to get some of that action.Once Easter is over the price drops down to $1. $1!!! For an entire day my desk looks like a gold bunny farm, until I eat every single one of them, and make them watch. Their fear makes them taste even more delicious.

Secondly:



  
 Cadbury chocolate is amazing. It has been and always will be my favourite and go-to chocolate. But for only a few months a year they have their deliciousness in bite-size colourful egg form. The caramel I assume is made from liquid gold mixed with tears of angels while the chocolate is derived from cocoa beans grown by Chuck Norris and ground by Mr. T. I pity the fool who has not had ,or does not like, Cadbury chocolate.

 And for adults, this can be a super fun and sexy time of the year. If eating chocolate is considered a decadent sin then why not go the whole nine yards and throw a few other sins in while you're at it? Heh heh, you get it? No? I mean sex. Have sex using chocolate. Get it now? Good.

The good thing about mini Easter eggs is you can hide them practically anywhere. Anywhere. Like in your clothes. Or under your sheets. Or melted and smeared across your chest and body. As long as you don't mind messy sheets.

If you think it's a bit unhealthy to be consuming all this chocolate, then fear not! The workout you and your partner will get from getting the chocolate off each other will more than compensate. If not, add some strawberries into the mix, they go with chocolate like fish goes with chips. Just ask Denise Richards.


Happy Chocolate weekend to all! And too all a happy licking!

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