Saturday, April 7, 2012

Pok'e'mon Is A Disturbing Game

I love Pok'e'mon. It's a super fun game, and I will be playing it until the point I am so old I can remember the names of every single pokemon in existence but not the names of my own children. However, some of the things in the Pok'e'verse kind of don't make any sense, and on some occasions, scare the f**k out of me. List-making time!

1) What do the people eat?

The world is filled with pokemon. Wonderful little creatures who appear to be sentient and understand everything we say, do everything we tell them, and still love and adore us for it. But if everything in the world can be a living creature, the rocks (Geodude), plants (Chikorita, bulbasaur, cherubi) even the weather (Castform), what exactly do the people eat? This goes beyond my twisted sense of humour in which I nickname my Torchic (a bird that can use fire) as KFC.
They can't recycle the pokemon that die of old age because there are graveyards for them everywhere (and yet none for people . . .). I'm starting to think that they either spirit away captured pokemon to pop into their stews or cannibalism. I honestly can't decide which is worse.

Sushi anyone? No? Well more Magikarp for me!

2) They are practically slaves.

Come on, they are stuck in tiny little balls, which I'm sure are not anything like 5 star hotels or majestic open landscapes on the inside, are only brought out to fight some douche who doesn't like being looked at and then shoved back in the ball regardless of winning the battle. They are slaves.
I also got a little freaked out when I was told in the game that "Even when your pokemon has passed out it can still use certain moves." That's like saying "Even though your mother is asleep, she can still make you cupcakes." No she can't make you cupcakes, and I think it's rather rude to be asking your mother to make you food when she is clearly sleeping.

Again I shall demonstrate my meaning with GIR related pictures:

If only I could make money from these pictures I make . . .

3) Why are these children not in school?

Not only have we got 10-year-olds running around UNSUPERVISED! We also have a number of other people who spend their time trapping wild animals, fighting other people and tearing up the terrain with bicycle madness. Does nobody have a job besides the nurses and store owners? There are an abundance of people who seem to be okay with random strangers walking into each others houses yet there are no schools, or universities, or businesses unrelated to pokemon. Where do they gain the magical knowledge to build rockets and giant cruise ships?! Are their parents seriously okay with their pre-teens playing with strange adults who say things like "Want to play with my Weedle?".

 4) What does their future hold?

What will the child do when he has achieved his dream of catching every single pokemon in the world as well as becoming the ultimate battle champion? Will he be given a mansion where he and his 600+ pokeslaves can live happily ever after? Will that be taken away when a new champion comes along? Or will he be forced to join the legions of people aimlessly walking around the world, probably broke, starving and slightly mad?

But, you know . . . it's still an awesome game if you don't put too much thought into it.

P.S - If you also like Pokemon and Pokemon related humour, you should read these comics:

Manly Guys Doing Manly Things and Awkward Zombie - They are amazingly amusing!

Also this very disturbing but also true video.

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