Monday, May 28, 2012

Imaginary Conversation With Myself

Brain: What are you going to do about your future?

Me:  What are you, my mother? I'll figure something out, I've got options.

Brain: Getting a book published is not going to happen until you've actually finished it. Have you finished it?

Me: Well . . . no. But It's getting there.

Brain: And by 'getting there' you mean it's still spread over 50 different word documents?

Me:  Maybe . . . I don't see why that's a problem.

Brain: Last time I checked, people didn't buy books in pieces.

Me: Well why not? It could be like a treasure hunt for literature. You can't read the next chapter until you've found it. I could leave clues to its whereabouts in specific locations through a secret cat mail-man delivery system.

Brain: You know you're crazy, right?

Me: You know you're the one who started talking to me, right?

Brain: Touché. But you still need a plan for your future.

Me: I have a plan. Finish my degree. Don't be broke. Get book published. Live off royalties. Have a movie adaptation made. Become a god of literature. Make J.K Rowling jealous. What could possibly go wrong?

Brain: Everything that is wrong with that plan.

Me: You're just jealous you didn't come up with it.

Brain: I did come up with it. I'm your brain.

Me: Then don't you think it's pretty silly for you to be bagging my idea when it's technically yours?

Brain: Shut up.

Me: I'm just sayin'  . . .

Brain: Okay fine. What do you plan on doing if you can't get something published.

Me: Whale biologist. Duh.

Brain: And your serious answer would be?

Me: I don't know! Aren't I also doing a business degree or something?

Brain: Yeah but you hate business.

Me: But it's a business degree! Every employer loves business degrees! I could apply to be an astronaut and the people at rocket store would be like "Woah! You've got a business degree!? Here's your space suit!

Brain: Glossing over the 'rocket store' thing, you're majoring in Public Relations. That's like the McDonald's of the Business world.

Me: But McDonald's is really popular.

Brain: It's also really bad for you and other restaurants laugh at it for even calling itself a restaurant. Do you even want a job in PR anyway?

Me: It's a bit late now. I'm already half way through it. And I'll be damned if I change my degree when I've suffered for 2 long years to get here. I'm finishing the damn degree!

Brain: Okay, okay! Don't get all defensive. Do you even know what PR people do?

Me: All I know is that it involves throwing parties and possibly appearing on TV. I'm down for that.

Brain: You're pathetic, you know that right?

Me: If I'm pathetic then so are you.

Brain: *Sigh* I'll start looking through the files for any information I have on Whales, see what I can rustle up.

Me: You have files up there?! Oh! Oh! Do you have a file on movies I've seen? I can't remember who the actor was in that movie with the guy and that chick when they were driving that car. Do you know that one? And the guy?

Brain: Shut up and go eat some McDonald's.


And that is the story of how I learned how to man up and finish my degree without complaints. It's also why I'm eating a cheeseburger right now. It may not be good for me but it's delicious as hell.

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