Saturday, May 26, 2012

Nobody Dances Anymore

This could be because I just finished watching The Blues Brothers for the 82nd time, but has anyone else noticed the overall lack in dancing these days?

I'm not referring to professional dancers, there seems to be a surplus of people learning special dances. Not to mention all those dancing related television shows like Dancing With the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance, Dance Your Ass Off, Dance Or You Die, Yet Another Dance Show, Simon Cowell Yells at You While You Dance and all those other dancing style shows that are all exactly the same, yet nobody seems to realise.

But what happened to just proper spur of the moment dancing? When everyone is out for a merry ol' time and a song comes on over the intercom and your booty just starts jiggling in excitement, so you and all your friends start jumping around and flailing your limbs in the air like you just don't care. Those times seemed to die when we hit the 21st century.

What do we have now? Hipsters who stand in the corner and say things like "Dancing is too mainstream" and "I am dancing. You've just never heard of the Wall-lean-arama" or "I can't dance because I'm wearing my limited addition chicken feather vest. It gets ruffled easily". Either that, or people who are just dancing to get laid. What makes the latter so horrible is that if their dancing is any insight into how they are in bed, you get the hell out of there right now or spend the rest of the night being rubbed up against like an attention seeking cat.

Nobody just GOES FOR IT any more. Who cares if you look like an epileptic being electrocuted trying to change a light bulb, it's good fun damn it. And it's healthy, you get so much exercise trying to pull off moves your body is not physically capable of. There you go! It's an extreme sport!

Not a single f**k was given by either.

You don't even have to be good at it. Like Mr. Bing above. God knows I'm not good at it. The easiest form of dancing is simply jumping around. Then you could mix it up by clicking your fingers or sticking out your legs. And if all goes well, it might actually look like you're doing it in time with the music.

If you even need music to dance to, anyway. Because I certainly don't. I'm dancing right now. You just can't tell. This is because I have perfected the ability to type and dance simultaneously. SKILLS!

Although, if you put some thought, effort, and training into it, dancing can make you look quite good (except for Chandler). Now it doesn't require you being able to stick your head between your legs while doing a hand stand or anything similarly painful, just get yourself some key moves.

A SPIN is a good move. It doesn't take that much effort but it makes you look oh so professional if you pull it off. If you can't pull it off, try to get in a god break-dancing pose when you hit the ground.

THE GLIDE can make you look sexy as hell. All you need to do is shift your weight from one foot to another and push yourself half a meter to the side. Make sure the floor is the right level of slippery though or you will again have to come up with a good break-dancing pose.

SEXIFYING the dance is simple: grab a partner and grind the absolute s**t out of them. It's as close as you can get to sex with your clothes on.

And if you still aren't sure, use the Blues Brothers as an example. Dan Akroyd and John Belushi seem to know what they are doing.


And if you're thinking to yourself, "Wow! Where can I find me some more of that Dancing Chandler action?!" You can find it at Chandler Dances On Things the most epic blog known to man.

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