Wednesday, May 23, 2012

People I Want to Punch in the Face

Yes that is Justin Beiber getting punched in the face. You can die happy now.

There are certain people in this world who just don't understand how to turn off their stupid. It could be because nobody every showed them how, or because they prefer to keep it on; whatever the reason, these people irritate the ever-living crap out of the rest of us.

More than once in my life I have found myself thinking "Wow, that person really deserves a punch in the face". Sometimes it's for superficial reasons such as their manner of talking, or perhaps their love of terrible boy band style music. But there comes a person every once in a while who, despite many theories as to their behaviour, simply deserves a tasty knuckle-filled sandwich.

Just, a quick BOP in the eye, that's all I'm saying. It wouldn't hurt that mu- ah . . . okay it would hurt. It would probably hurt a lot, but the possibility of beating the stupid out of them is something you just have to go for.

Notice I said "Beating the stupid out" instead of "Beating some sense in". This is because I believe that no matter how hard you hit someone with your magical fists of intelligence, most of the time the sense just won't stick.

So here, for one reason or another, are a short list of people I would love nothing more than to give a quick jab to head. ( In no particular order, I dislike these people equally).

aNy1 wHoO0 WrIteS leiK dIS

Invest in a dictionary. Enrol back in school. Or better yet, stop using the internet, it has reached its capacity for illiteracy.

Stephenie Meyer
(Author of that shitty vampire series)

While the woman was responsible for a large population of young girls getting back into reading, she single-handedly ruined the vampire/werewolf/paranormal genre forever and all through a poorly written book.

People who think Wit and/or Sarcasm are a terrible form of humour

Personally, I judge a potential mate/sexual partner by their aptitude for sarcasm. It dictates how intelligent a person is as well as the size of their funny bone. Saying you don't appreciate sarcasm is like saying Chandler wasn't the funniest character in friends. And if you respond with "No, Rachel was obviously the best character" I would have to congratulate you on finally learning how to be sarcastic.

Fox Broadcasting Company
(Specifically anyone who is involved with the decision to cancel a show)

'Where getting a second season is as likely as getting run over by a turtle!'

These guys have it out for Joss Whedon. Both Firefly and Dollhouse bit the dust after only one season each, even though there was a huge fan following. Similarly they offed Futurama after 4 seasons only to bring it back shortly after. If you look at the list of shows they have formerly produced, there are more one-off seasons than there are long runners. Jeez Fox, stop acting like a child and make up your mind.

Judgemental Jackasses
(Not donkeys)

This pretty much speaks for itself. Whatever your beef is, get over it. Whatever you think is a big deal, nobody really cares. Go cry about it in your blog like us regular folks do.

95% of Teenagers
(Primarily the ones who like Twilight)

Now Teenagers, you have so much potential! You are the future, as your teachers and parents will try to tell you hundreds of times. But please, stop falling in love with fads and making them last for so long. Twilight should have been done with after the first movie. Do you see the power you hold in your hands? Take it from someone who used to be a teenager, if you make yourself look like an idiot in your younger years, you will forever wish you could go back in time and punch YOURSELF in the nose.

And now Facebook can document your stupidity as well, so there's that . . .


Well, I think that's all for now. I tried to leave out specific people I personally do not like *cough*KeanueReaves*cough*, but I'm interested to know if there are any other people who are just itching to introduce their knuckles to deserving members of the community. Thoughts anyone?

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