Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Unemployment is Depressing as Hell

I am jobless.

There is nothing pretty about it. I am without a job, or an income of any sort, and it's really starting to get to me.

Which is pretty annoying because I'm not the type of person to get depressed, at all. I'm the type of person who goes "Meh, never mind, something else will come along". But eventually, when many weeks have passed and there has been no contact from the multiple places you have applied to, you get this wonderful feeling in the pit of you soul. This is called: Self-doubt.

You start to ask questions like:

  • Is my Resume too blank?
  • Am I inexperienced?
  • Should I have kept the fact I can fit seven ping-pong balls in my mouth on my resume?
 
It's almost heart-breaking when day after day the places you have applied to never call, never write, or even check in to see how you're going. Worse than that, no new vacancies are popping up, making you think that you will never, ever, get another job.

Say, for example, you work at McDonald's:



No matter what you lack in experience, social skills or hygiene, they will take you.
Why?
Because working in the fast food industry is one of the worst and best job opportunities around.

Worst: Because you must function in a fast, high functioning team environment where things can go wrong all the time, you are always under pressure and there is a non-stop stream of irritating and punch-worthy customers, but also

Best: Because at the end of the day you accumulate the necessary skills to function in any working environment, earn respect for doing a good job, and get paid reasonably for your time.

Now if I ran the world, upon completing a long period of time at a fast food or equally terrible type of employment, you will receive this:



It will let future employers know that you are worth employing, won't start a fire, punch customers, or do stupid things. This certificate will only be given to the best of the best; and by that I mean anyone who can work a back to back double shift at peak period without killing someone. Trust me, that's a difficult thing to do.

But seeing as this certificate doesn't exist, and I still have high hopes of never returning to the fast food industry, I will continue to pray to Odin, Gordon Freeman and The Blue Fairy respectively for a job opportunity that isn't terrible or out of my league, and willing to employ a university student.

Ha! Like that's going to happen. Would you like fries with that?


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