Sunday, July 15, 2012

ICWM #5 - Fashion

Brain:  Why don't you wear more dresses?

Me: Because.

Brain:  That's not an answer.

Me:  Yes it is. It's just bad.

Brain:  Don't dodge the question.

Me:  Why do you need to know? It's not like you can wear them.

Brain:  I would if I wasn't a spongy conglomeration of goo and squishy stuff. So why don't you?

Me: You can't fight in a dress.

Brain:  . . . since when are you fighting people?

Me:  I'm not. But you can never be too careful. I like to be prepared for a fight.

Brain:  Again, I ask: since when are you fighting?

Me:  There is danger around every corner. I want to be able to kick someone in the face without worrying about flashing too much skin.

Brain:  You are seriously worried that while you are kicking someone in the head, you are going to expose too much of your body? THAT'S what you're worried about?

Me: Yep.

Brain:  Not the getting attacked part.

Me:  Nope.

Brain:  *Ahem* Why the hell should it matter if you show off too much when the main problem is the possibility of DYING!?

Me:  I'm a lady.

Brain:  You make no sense to me.

Me: I'd be more worried if you were the one not making sense.

Brain:  I still don't understand why you don't just wear some girlier things. Like skirts. Or frilly shirts. Maybe even some jewellery. You can't just wear jeans and funny t-shirts to everything.

Me:  Jeans and t-shirts are the shiz.

Brain:  Don't use that word. You are too white to use that word.

Me:  Jeans and t-shirts are comfy as hell. And always appropriate.

Brain:  So you would wear them to a wedding.

Me: I'd rather wear jeans than this weird fucking thing:

Brain:  Hey, it doesn't look too bad. 

Me:  It looks like someone vomited a lemon onto some tin-foil and decided to stick it to this anorexic girl with glad-wrap.  

Brain:  It's not THAT bad. 

Me:  Still not going to wear it.

Brain:  But you've worn dresses before. You wore them in school. 

Me:  For 2/5 years. 

Brain:  But you wear them out clubbing and to dinner parties. 

Me: When I am surrounded by friends and security and rarely have to stand. 

Brain: Then why can't you just wear them on a daily basis? 

Me: Pockets. 

Brain:  Oh, jesus, what now? 

Me:  I hate having to carry a purse. Jeans have pockets. Dresses do not. Hence I don't like wearing dresses. 

Brain:  What the f**k is wrong with a bag? 

Me:  It leaves at least one of my hands occupied. 

Brain:  This is related to fighting isn't it? 

Me: You can't fight someone if your fighting hand is occupied. 

Brain:  Then use your other hand? 

Me: I attack with both hands. 

Brain:  You are a paranoid little thing, aren't you? 

Me: Correction: We're a paranoid little thing.  

Brain:  Men would like you better if you wore dresses.

Me: If a man doesn't like my elaborate paranoia and fighting tactics, he's not the man for me. 

Brain:  You are going to be alone forever.

Me: At least I'll be alive.


Me: Zombies. 

Brain:  Well then it's your fault you'll never look sexy.

Me: Pfft, clearly you've never seen Resident Evil.


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