Thursday, September 5, 2013

ICWM #9 - I Hate You Hollywood




Me: Hey, wanna go see a movie this weekend? There are a bunch of new ones out that look pretty cool.

Brain:  No. I'm boycotting film.

Me:  You're what?

Brain:  I refuse to go see any more films in the cinema until Hollywood decides to start making more original films. I'm sick of their s**t.

Me:  What do you mean? Kick-Ass 2 is out, we can see that. You enjoyed the first one didn't you?

Brain:  Yes. The first one was awesome. To be frank, it was Kick-Ass. But that doesn't mean they should get a sequel.

Me:  Well why the hell not? I thought it was a pretty awesome movie based on a pretty cool original comic book. It's good to see some different films come out that aren't just romantic comedies.

Brain:  Are you kidding me? Romantic comedies are pretty much the ONLY original films coming out now. Everything else is either an adaption, a sequel, something based on real events or a person's life, or a combination of all of them.

Me:  I don't get why you're so pissed off, directors are just using previously written material to draw from movie ideas, it's not that-

Brain:  IT IS THAT BAD!

Me:  Why?

Brain:  BECAUSE FILM WRITERS SHOULD BE ABLE TO COME UP WITH A STORYLINE TO ENTERTAIN US FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF NOT BORROW THINGS FROM OTHER WRITERS!

Me:  . . . woah.

Brain:  Yeah, okay, sorry, I've been bottling that up for a while. It's . . . it's just been getting to me.

Me: So Hollywood is borrowing more ideas than usual, there are still original things coming out on screen. What about Elysium?

Brain:  Science-Fiction and fantasy are easy to write. You take a basic storyline - in this case, a dystopian future where the poor are segregated from the rich - add in a typical male hero with a need to enact justice through mayhem and you've got yourself a movie. Add in whatever technology you want, med-bays, lazer guns, space-ships, robots, lightsabers, portal guns, the mass effect, whatever! Doesn't matter, as long as you stick to the formula.

Me:  But it's still a good movie regardless of it's originality. It's entertaining, that's what movies are for.

Brain: But the people who make them shouldn't be paid millions of dollars to make something like this. That money could be put into something so much better. Film makers should be challenging themselves to make an interesting, original and not over-budgeted film.

Me:  Wouldn't using a published novel that already has a set story they can play with be good for that?

Brain: That's the thing though. If you are going to write a story to be told on film, write it for film, don't just take any old story and put it on the big screen with a few tiny differences that you think are phenomenal. Otherwise you end up with Hansel & Gretel 3D.
 
Me:  That movie was pretty kick-ass too.

Brain:  The action was, the story wasn't. Did you really think it was an amazing film?

Me: Well . . . okay, no. It was fun, I got laughs out of it, but I won't be adding it to my list of favourite films.

Brain:  Then what films are on your list. 

Me:  V for Vendetta. That's based on a comic book and is still an inspirational film. 

Brain:  Yes but with movies like that, you get split fandoms. You get the comic book version that only a few people know about, and you get the film version that everyone knows about and worships.

Me:  Because it was good!

Brain:  And the comic book wasn't?

Me: I never read the comic book.

Brain:  Exactly. Most people don't even know who Alan Moore is unless they actually want to learn about the person who wrote the story.

Me: Hey! I like Alan Moore!

Brain:  But that's because you're a writer. You like the stuff he does, there fore you seek out his creations. Most other people don't. They walk out of the cinema and go "That was a sick movie dude, I wish I could fight like that." And then they forget about it the next day. The story is lost in the translation.

Me:  No it's not.

Brain:  How can it not be? You yourself said you just want to be entertained.

Me: Only parts of the story are lost, not the message, and you are keeping things too far a part. Film and book can coexist as one.

Brain:  But they shouldn't.

Me:  Okay, I get that you don't like the idea of writers having their works tarnished by a bad film, or even a good film. But you keep forgetting there are a whole lot of factors to consider.

Brain:  Like what?

Me:  The fanbase, how the audience reacts to things, whether the writer just wanted money or if he actually wanted to share the story. Tonnes of things. I mean look at Zoe Kazan. She is an actress and director who wrote and starred in Ruby Sparks. Do you hate her?

Brain:  Well no, she is cool.

Me:  Only because she wrote a story specifically for film and then acted out the character because she knew her the best. It worked well. Other films do that too. The 5th Element did that.

Brain:  Ooooh I love that movie.

Me:  S**t yeah that movie is awesome! That's because Besson wrote it AND directed it.

Brain:  That still doesn't mean all directors who also write make good movies.

Me:  Oh hell no. Not at all. I'm just telling you there is still hope. There are other Kazan's and other Besson's. There is still hope!

Brain: Yes! There is still hope!

Me:  The film industry is not controlled by Satan and his evil minions! 

Brain: Or by evil corporations trying to squeeze money out of every source possible!  

Me:  Now let's go see The Heat!

Brain:  . . . No.

Me:  No? 

Brain:  No. Just no.

Me:  Now You See Me? 

Brain:  . . . Eh, okay.

Me:  Sweet!

*

And that's why I don't like Hollywood and will consider writing screenplays for directors as long as I get some say in the directing. I ain't no Nicholas Sparks.

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