Good god what a semester.
I don't think I can sigh loud enough to express how glad I am it's over.
Because it's not!
I still have to wait for results to come out to see if I managed to fuck up the last year of tertiary education!
And the thing is I kind of want to fail.
Now that I'm finishing uni I'm going into that "What the hell am I supposed to do with my life?!" phase. It's getting so bad that whenever anyone asks me what I plan to do with my degree, I burst out in violent hand flailing and start muttering like Bobcat Goldthwait.
Because that's the question all university students dread hearing unless they've been planning their life from high school. I had a plan too. It was just a piece of paper with the words "Don't Fuck Up" pinned to my notice board. I should have stapled it to my face instead for all the good it did me.
No I'm not complaining, it's just difficult for someone in their early twenties who has ambition but not direction to find a path they won't regret going down. Which is stupid I know because there are so many choices when it comes to careers I can enter. And choosing one isn't necessarily going to tie me down for the rest of my life. It's just I have a hard time taking steps in an unknown direction and I like to see where I'm going before I accidentally start climbing a mountain in thongs and a summer dress.
I secretly want to fail my last subject so I can take it again and find another internship with a different experience. I liked my internship this semester, but it wasn't something I was comfortable sitting through for a long time. It's like you expect to sit down in a class and be taught what you want, but instead you're handed a test on day 1 and told to make up your own answers. What does that even mean?! How does that equate to functioning in the real world?! Why can't I just make money doing what I love?!
It's probably because I have too many things I love I don't want to be married to just one. I want to be in a polygamous relationship with all my amazing passions, to live in a passion filled love nest of creativity and knowledge and learning and not have to worry about calling my other hobbies to see how they are going because we haven't hung out in a while.
"Oh hey Painting, how's it going? Long time since I've seen you. Oh yeah, me and Writing are great, just great... so, I was wondering, maybe we should go out some time? Oh you're right, I guess Writing wouldn't like me hanging out with someone else. That's cool. I just wanted to see how you were... I miss you..."
Which reminds me I haven't actually drawn or painted a picture in quite a while. You can see from My Artworks page I haven't updated anything in a while. That's because I haven't done anything in a while. The strange thing is as soon as I handed in my last assignment last week, I wanted to start a new project, just dive straight in to something else.
These are the problems of a person with too many options. It begins to hurt the brain. Good thing Dragon Age: Inquisition is coming out soon. I can avoid reality for just that little bit longer. Ferelden will be safe and I'll still be without a career, but I'll have a accomplished something I consider valuable and I guess that's something.