Post-Semester Depression Syndrome: Feeling completely lost after finishing a heavy work-load and not knowing what to do with your life.
Brain: We've seen this episode of 30 Rock already. Put something else on.
Me: I don't have anything new to watch.
Brain: Aaaaaaaaaaah, you suuuuuuuuuuuck.
Me: Oh come on, what's the problem? We're on holidays, we can do anything we want, but every time I come up with something to do, you think it's stupid.
Brain: Because it IS stupid. Can we go see a movie or something? Or like, a bike ride? We know how to do that right? I distinctly remember being able to do that.
Me: You don't want to do that.
Brain: And why not?
Me: We haven't ridden a bicycle in over 8 years. Also we get tired going up a flight of stairs. If we were to ride a bike I'm pretty sure we would die. I'm getting a stitch just thinking about it.
Brain: OHMYGOD LET'S WATCH LILO & STITCH!
Me: Do you want to?
Brain: Not any more . . .
Me: I hate you so much. Are you sure this isn't a problem with Attention Span?
Brain: No, he's been asleep ever since we finished university two weeks ago.
Me: So it's entirely your fault we have had no motivation to do anything productive or interesting besides watch TV shows?
Brain: . . . I walked into that one, didn't I?
Me: Come on, can't you just come up with something you would actually like to do?
Brain: Penguin football.
Me: What. The F**k. Is that?
Brain: Well it's like normal football, but instead of a ball, you use a penguin.
Me: . . .
Brain: And there aren't any goals or anything, it's really just who can kick it the farthest.
Me: . . .
Brain: Oh and there aren't any teams either, so technically there is only one winner.
Me: . . .
Brain: And the great thing is, you can play it all by yourself! Isn't that cool?
Me: . . .
Brain: So where can we get a penguin from?
Me: You want a penguin?
Brain: Yes.
Me: So you can kick it?
Brain: Yes.
Me: And this acheives what exactly?
Brain: A new sport for the Olympics if all goes well. You'd totally watch it! Everyone would!
Me: . . . Yeah, okay I would definitely watch that. It's totally unethical and PETA would kick the shit out of you for it-
Brain: We're the same person.
Me: -but I would still watch that.
Brain: Exactly. Now hurry up and go find us a penguin.
Me: Nope. Gonna read a book instead.
Brain: WHAAAAAAAAAA?! But I just put all this thought into this cool new sport! Get me a penguin, slave!
Me: Do you even hear yourself?
Brain: Of course not. I'm a brain, not a set of ears. I just do the thinking and see how s**t turns out. Now are you going to get me a penguin, or am I going to have to start humming the Star Trek theme?
Me: Why would you do that?
Brain: Because it irritates you. And because I want to.
Me: . . . Fine. I'll go check eBay.
*
For the love of god somebody stop me before things get illegal.
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